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In the field of relationships, it is customary to refer to the tension that exists between the nature of adventure, curiosity, and exploration, to the need for security, belonging, and stability. The marital relationship is the one that provides an answer to the stable side of this tension equation, and is an excellent way to instill peace and keep loneliness away, and thus to answer the most significant needs that are always necessary, and in times of crisis (such as war, uncertainty, etc.) in particular.
A good relationship gives us the feeling that we are not alone in the world, that we have a safety net to lean on, that we have a person by our side who will be with us and for us when needed, that we have a stable and supportive anchor to return to, experience joyful experiences with him and face life's challenges together with him. Our loved ones are our belonging group, and thanks to them we enjoy a social status, which is obtained by aligning with the expectations of the society in which we live. All these important things, which are missing for those who are not part of a relationship at the moment, can make Passover a difficult experience, and this year, when the need to feel safe, belonging and stable is very high, this experience can be even more challenging.
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Findings from the compatibility questions of the dating platform OkCupid, raise interesting insights regarding the conduct of single men and women in Israel during Passover in general and the eve of the holiday in particular. The data is based on +835 users who answered questions:
one of the most intriguing data comes from the question, how will you behave during Passover this year, 66% of the respondents answered that they will go to the holiday dinner even if they don't have a partner to go with them, 13% will come to the holiday dinner and plan a date right after , 13% testified that it would be possible to find them on the eve of the holiday at the airport and 8% of the respondents said that they would not come to the holiday dinner without a partner.
Another interesting figure refers to the feelings of the single men and women during the holidays. 74% of the respondents do not mind that they will spend the holiday without their partners, 14% answered that they are in a bad mood before the holidays and 12% that they are not afraid of the prying questions of their family members during the holiday.
The following ways are designed to help you singles experience the holiday season in a pleasant and growth-oriented way:
Vacation:
Passover brings with it days off. You can and should get up late, rest, meet friends, and make sure that the schedule includes things that we know fill us up and do us good. Take advantage of these days to recharge the batteries at a time when our bodies and souls need it so much.
Renewal:
Passover is also the spring holiday, the holiday that symbolizes the renewal and flourishing. This is an excellent time to take stock, to look at ourselves, to examine our conduct honestly and courageously, and to ask ourselves what we want to do differently from now on. Try to distill a request or two that you want to ask yourself, and challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone and do Something new and refreshing that you haven't done yet. Actions may give rise to disappointment and pain, but they are also a great way to achieve things that are important to us, and to increase our sense of competence and self-
confidence otherwise and remind ourselves that this is a period of life that has so much magic, and that later in life we will miss it very much. Or for example, if we think that on the eve of the holiday people will judge us or feel sorry for us, this is the time to remember that we have no idea what people really think, those who love us see the What is wonderful and strong about us, and there is a very good chance that many of them would be very happy to switch.
Choosing advanced perspectives:
our quality of life is affected by the interpretations we give to things. The good news - it's in our hands. The bad news is, it's not always that simple to change our perspectives. Try to understand what are the perceptions that cause you difficulties, and then look for the way to change them. It will pay off very well for you.
Vulnerability is strength:
our family is the place where we are supposed to grow stronger and feel the strength of togetherness, and closeness is created when we allow people to see our vulnerable sides as well. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely, and we can do that when we share with people what we are going through for better or for worse. Of course, not everyone is worthy of our trust, and we will not let everyone into our inner world, but if you feel that it is appropriate, I strongly recommend that you try and bring your vulnerable parts into the family this coming holiday.
Preparation and coordination of expectations:
you already know your family, and you already have a lot of experience with holidays and holiday evenings. This information you have gathered can help you a lot in improving the experience this year. Ask yourself what can help you, how you can reach the holiday evening with good energy, how you can navigate the family events and enjoy them, and think about who you can share with and who you can help so that this holiday will be especially close and loving.
The writer of the column is Hadi Axelred, a lecturer in the master's degree program for family studies at the Tel Aviv Jaffa Academic College, a marriage and family counselor, the presenter of the podcast Update which deals with relationships and relationships.