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Like any couple, we too were excitedly waiting for the wedding day. The date was set for 11.10, and everything was already ready. The arrival permits, the suppliers, the dress, the suit, even the babysitter for the dog. But we make plans, and God laughs from above. And in this case, it was not a joke. Lots of crying, grief, and huge shock. At ten in the morning, my partner had already received the phone call from the commander, and I found myself on the floor, screaming that I don't agree because he's suddenly a hero, and there's still a wedding in four days! But he - gave me a big hug and left the house, returning only after four months. Another came back.
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and I am inclusive and inclusive. Because he is all fighting in Gaza, I am here fighting for him. And if that means being a rock to him, I'll be a rock. Because the conduct as a partner of a Milaumanik is a strange conduct. It's like a one sided relationship. It's expecting a phone call or a video or a letter and it's anxiety about every phone call, video or letter because... who knows what I'll discover on the other side. It's being strong for his family and falling apart on my family's neck. It's receiving calls from his friends you didn't know and falling in love with him more and it's being afraid you won't be able to tell him that. And it is forbidden to fight. He is fighting for your country, what's the point of quarreling with him and in general, that I will return him upset to the war? And so every time it starts again - he comes back and I present a big smile, a big hug, washing the uniform, a short "quality" time, and as soon as he walks out the door, I break down and come back, God forbid. Rock, dust, rock, dust and rock again, for my man. For the couple we are, for the State of Israel. Faced with all this, can I complain?
Daniel and the fiancé, Gaza 2024/courtesy of the photographers
At the end of his service ceremony, which looked like it was taken from an Israeli heroic film, I began to understand for the first time that although his stay there was temporarily over, the real challenge was beginning.
Because from a sleeping animal that is difficult to get out of bed he became a nocturnal animal, a bat. Zombie even. Suddenly he only sleeps on the floor, or only with shoes on. Does he ever sleep?
And his beautiful eyes, which told me everything with a deep look, suddenly became empty. Not out of love, God forbid, he loves me, I know and feel, but something inside is different. different. I would look at him and ask, are you still there? And he would just look away with a smile and say "I hope".
The worst was the silence. The terrifying new addition to the relationship that grew and the confusion I felt only grew stronger as it was necessary to return to routine, and at the same time re-plan the wedding, as if nothing had happened. And how much happened.
How I wanted us to go back to the point where everything stopped. But the war and the service and this period created a gap between us that widened, a gap that destroyed me from the inside. One evening, when he was squished on the sofa, with me but not with me, in a pose that had become permanent, I saw an advertisement by Super-Pharm and the Netal association about a content complex that offers help to deal with trauma and anxiety. I entered their website and found myself in another article and another article. I felt that it was The signal to act, and I called.
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Daniel and the fiancé, Gaza 2024/courtesy of the photographers
I was answered by a lovely girl who had heard quite a few lost women like me, only she called me a hero. And she knew exactly how to help. I realized that I was allowed to crumble. Admitting that it was hard for me too, that I too - the civilian on the home front, could be traumatized and she taught me to breathe again. And after I breathed I saw my man differently. Suddenly I was also able to listen to what he didn't say. Suddenly there was no longer the need to jump over the abyss back to that point - simply because I found a paved way, with signs and road signs to the heart of my beloved. The heart I fell in love with. The heart that suffered blows in Gaza. The heart that opened back to me.
It is not easy to admit that there is a difficulty. It is unpleasant to admit that dynamics are changing. But as the cliché goes, once you are aware of the problem, most of it is solved, and here I am, five months late with the last measurements of the wedding dress.
In conclusion,
my sisters, wives and fiancees and spouses of the reservists. True, they didn't come back the way we sent them. And things have changed, sometimes beyond recognition. But this is not fate. We have tools to deal with and help them. There are tools, some as simple as deep breathing, to help them fall asleep. get back to breathing Good and important organizations offer help. You just have to take her, and with God's help, it will pass by the time of the wedding.
More on the same topic:
Gaza war
reserves
Marriage
psychology
women
men